Sunday, October 01, 2006

OKay so I'm early at work. I've been thinking about different things while I was driving on my way here. Lately, I've also been learning new things.

I realized that I should find a man who's just as passionate about life as I am. Not that I realized it just now. I know this kind is truly hard to find in this day and age where people are too used about fastffood and technology. But while I was mulling over a crush, my bubble burst when I was reminded that I'd be leaving early next year, by January or February, and this time there's no stopping me. I've been waiting and planning for this big dream for months already and the mere thought of it makes me salivate like crazy. There's no stopping me. Not even a boy I've been waiting for my whole life. So there goes my theory. Even if I push through living in New York next year, I wouldn't know where I'd really want to settle. Maybe I should just cross the bridge when I get there, but if I'd choose to be a nomad and a true traveller by heart, I need a man who's gonna be with me everywhere I go and enjoy it all the same. We'd discover the whole world through our very eyes. Hm... is there such a man? If there is, if you are, then I'd marry you in an instant. But of course again, may I just mention that you should have the looks of brandon routh or ricky kaka and have the substance that I'm looking for?

I go to mass alone every Sunday evening because I go to school on Saturdays and Sundays for the whole day and my family goes to mass in the morning. Last night, I saw her. I'd really want to go into details but I'm at work and I probably should start working now. She-who-must-not-be-named. :) I thank God for having made me deal with her in the past because if it weren't for her I wouldn't be this person I am now. I also pray that she finds her happiness. I've forgiven her and it feels so refreshing after years of not seeing her and seeing her suddenly in a church. Is it a reminder? It was closure. I don't know if she was sincere but there's something about the timing and the setting that's so invigorating. I'm really happy where I am right now. Yes, I've been through a lot that sometimes, when I remember, I still want to cry because though the pain is no longer as intense as before, the memory brings back the ache and pity I used to have for myself. Maybe it's because I never thought I'd go through that. Maybe it's because after all the storms I've still emerged fine. Seeing her connects me to the past especially that she was with her child. How time flies.

I'm at the middle of my journey; a point where I have a past and I still have a long future ahead. God loves me so much. Even during the time I was going through hell, I know deep in my heart that something is in store for me. God is using His hands. If I had the choice I wouldn't have gone through the path he chose me. But after all that, I'm here - full of doors to new and promising opportunities. I'm on my way to my Big Dream Lord, and though I know it wouldn't be easy, knowing You're there is enough motivation and consolation for me. Thank you for loving me this much. Thank you for keeping Your promise that good people really do get what is due. Thank you for loving me this much - that you are building my character, because character is more important than comfort. Thank you.


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