Tuesday, March 29, 2005

cool illustration

*check*

Thursday, March 24, 2005

mindset: an ebay seller, not buyer!

For a person who always claims to have no material attachments whatsoever, this is a sin. But but but

I want an O2 XDA II !!! =( *sniff* I can get it if I'd wring my wallet dry. But I know better than that. My Dad would give me a swanky gadget soon (digital still, camcorder, pc cam, voice recorder, mp3 player, card reader all in one) so, I'd settle for it. I can do with Palm Zire 72 or Tungsten T2, if not for the unsatisfactory specs (esp with the camera and audio player -or lack thereof- which I intend to toy around top in priority).

...I also want any kind of laptop basta may wi-fi !!! =( *sniff* There's no way I can get it using my own money. I want I want *throws tantrums* may wi-fi sa library, how convenient (and professional-looking, haha.) I'm thinking of getting a Sony Clie PEG-UX50... Hmm, I'd love that.

Damn e-bay. I always get this sick feeling everytime I surf there to "window" shop.

Why I am not filthy rich, eh? Hehehe I sound like a muhmaterial gurl! It's just a mood, it'll go away after a few minutes estranged from e-bay.

*sigh* for these nifty gadgets. Soon, Anne! I better practice delayed gratification. I am a proud cheapskate.

...someone give me a cute, chubby dog please

because i'm not selfish...

thiz iz the shiznit yo, kewlnez

mIRC people who claim they're hot look like this.

amazingly fantabulous <333

and lastly, i got 91, now beat that!

Monday, March 21, 2005

awkward

Just want to share...

In the car on our way home from Shangri-la, Mommy suddenly started narrating a joke: (gist)

Old woman went to her son's house and found her daughter-n-law lying naked on the couch,

Old woman: What are you doing? Why are you naked?
Wife: I'm waiting for my husband. I'm wearing a love dress.
Old woman: A love dress? What are you talking about?! $&!#%#^ You're not wearing anything!
Wife: Oh, of course I do. This is a love dress. Everytime I wear this, my husband cannot resist me...

Old woman went home. Took a warm bath, showered herself with perfume. Turned the music on. Dimmed the lights down, took off her robe, lied on the couch, waited for her husband. Husband arrives,

Husband: ... (takes off coat. puts it in closet. looks at his wife. walks to the kitchen.)
Old woman: (upset) Don't you notice anything? (wiggles her butt)
Husband: Yeah, why are you naked?
Old woman: I'm wearing a love dress.....
Husband: Needs ironing. What's for dinner?

***told my mom we already knew about the joke. It was old... so, since we were talking about "seducing" and all that, I thought it was okay to give out some green joke just to make them laugh... (hesitant):

Son: Dad! Dad! Guess what! I've already experienced Bl*w job!!! (excited)
Father: OH YEAH! GREAT! So how did it feel???
Son: Oh, my jaw hurts...

HAHAHA! LOL. My brother kept on laughing... my mom and dad:

"..."

I was like: "...??" (why aren't they laughing??)

Daddy: "So you know about those stuff already..."

AWKWARD!!! Yes daddy, I'm 21 and I have friends and I readddd, but I haven't experienced it!!!

Sunday, March 20, 2005

I salute you.

We lost Mama Tin yesterday.

And even if my whole being is being swept by a thousand swirling unidentified emotions, I feel there is no justice to encapsulate them all into words. It is a BIG loss but a worthy one, at least. The whole family mourns but is still grateful that Mama Tin has lived long enough to witness her great grand kids and her seeds grow fruits of love and success.

This is my first time to experience a death of a loved one. Acquaintances have passed away, yes, and some of my uncles and grandparents too but I was still too young to understand what was going on.

Ate Kristine called me 1 am to inform me of Mama Tin's demise. I was home alone, I had to call my brother to hurry him home. My parents were onboard, on their way back to the Philippines. Mama Tin and the rest of our relatives (including Ate Kristine) are in the US, so as I've told Ate Ginny and Jay right away, the last people informed were my parents...

I didn't want to tell my Dad, if only we could hide it. I still couldn't remember vividly how it was but my sisters tried to make me recall how my Papa Jay died. It was the same case, my Dad just got home from the US, the little kids that we were, excited and happy that our Dad was back home and brought us POPPLES and CABBAGE PATCH KIDS for pasalubong, until he got an overseas call. From all the giddiness, Daddy suddenly stared blank, walked from the living room straight to the kitchen and bawled like a baby. He got the news that Papa Jay had just passed away.

My Dad has always been my superman. Biases aside, he's in all honesty the PERFECT person for me. How I wish I get to find a man like him, heck, I wish I get to be like him. Being the segurista or perfectionist that I am, he's one of the few people whose decisions I 100% trust. he has a brilliant mind and heart. He's level-headed, it's like everything that he says never fails. Politics, justice, life... He knows it all. And if his knowledge covers a small area of a particular subject matter, he's honest enough to give you what little he knows and admit that he hasn't read or studied about it extensively. He speaks and moves with conviction, he tells of true-to-life stories that support his arguments. He leans on God, too. He sincerely wants to serve people and make a mark on the world through his legal expertise. He's so straight, he knows what he's doing, he can determine a right from a wrong.

***I lost my mood for writing, my Dad just bugged me to check Morales v. Pacquiao match over the net to see who won. Apparently, he placed a bet in Las Vegas siding Manny Pacquiao. We got a call from the states informing us that Pacquiao indeed won the match but as he is currently watching it over the TV, Pacquiao is already bleeding and he's quite nervous of losing. Haha.***

...Oh dude, and I found out that Morales won by unanimous decision. :-( *sniff* I still love you Manny Pacquiao! Win or Lose! Go Philippines!

But I digress. Well, to sum it up, I hate seeing my father at his lowest. I saw him crying only a couple of times, as far back as I can remember. 1. When we left my sister in LA, 2. When my other sister decided to get married, 3. When Mama Tin passed away. I hate it, he's my superman. Heck, when I was a kid I even cried when I saw him take a cab because his car was being repaired.

That's how much I love him. When he and my mom arrived yesterday morning, he was even telling us that Mama Tin wasn't looking good. She was critical when they left and my mom and sister told me that he locked himself in the room the whole day after he found out. When he saw Mama Tin in the ICU, he cried at the sight of her then my grandmother just looked at him and pinched his forearm. Ate Kristine told me that Daddy's picture was clipped in one of Mama Tin's books. Her room was also filled with Daddy's pictures everywhere. Mama Tin whispers "I love you," everytime someone kisses her. Tito Gerry would brush up her hair and say, "Look Mama, how beautiful you are when your hair's fixed..." Then Mama Tin would close her eyes and smile. My Daddy was the last who found out his mommy is gone.

Daddy was the black sheep of the family (and so am I. Haha, we so relate.). His siblings all had excellent grades while he got mediocre scores. He frolicked during his youth... but hey, look at him now. I believe he's the most successful and fulfilled among the family. He tells me how he always felt short of loved, compared to his parents' favorites, but he's outgrown it and accepted that he's loved all the same. My Dad is born to be like that, he knows how life is, he can accept everything shoved up his arse as long as he leans on God, and takes everything as a challenge. His life is a never-ending quest to service and improvement.

Thankfully, he's doing okay now. Mama Tin will arrive here this Friday together with all our relatives from the US. Papa Jay is buried here and Mama Tin requested to lay beside him. Over the next week I know I'll see a lot of crying and grief. But Mama Tin is happy now, I know, wherever she is. I can see Papa Jay embrace her as they're together once again. They've been separated for 18 years and now they're both in heaven.

I feel happy that I have a guardian angel now. Mama Tin will always watch over us. I know Papa jay always has, but... I barely knew him. :( I used to say I'd be willing to give everything just to have one whole day talking to Papa Jay about life. *shrugs* Oh, well. I feel stronger now. When I feel like I can't do it anymore, when my fears start to eat my being, I'll always keep in mind that Mama Tin is watching and won't let anything bad happen to me. When I go back to law school or if I go on to the real world, she'll inspire me. I'll remember that she can see me... and with that, I'd want to make her proud.

I and my siblings have made a good job at keeping our values intact. I am proud of my family... We may not be the biggest geniuses or richest or the most good looking people in the world... but our parents inculcated us with values that we'd be able to use in this mysterious journey called life. I give our ancestors full credit for what has become to all of us. Had we ended up in the wrong family, we may not be as content as we are of ourselves right now.

Thank you Mama Tin. It is time you rest, you have been our pillar for so long now. This is my tribute as of the moment, but when I can, I promise to give you and Papa Jay, Daddy and Mommy, Lolo and Lola better recognition next time... something that the whole world would see.

To all my grandparents who are up there already... watch me shine :) watch me fly and reach for my dreams because when that time comes, the mark I shall leave will be your very own legacy as well. Thank you and kindly poke Jesus on the rib, whisper to him my wishes. :) I love you all

PS: Mama Tin, the dictionary you gave us guided me since time immemorial. I think it's greatly responsible for the coverage of my vocabulary. It stays on my bed when I read before I sleep, and under it when I don't. Very helpful, especially when I hit those law books again. And thank you for running after me when I was a kid to force me brush my teeth.

***Update: Jay's graduation was borrring... I saw Sen. Osmena and at his age, he's still damn attractive (and so is his wife). There was this boy who passed away last January, his father went up the stage to receive his diploma (I wanted to cry...) I saw this guy from law school (upper batch) I used to frequently bump on him in the library. I crush him :) He saw me too, I think he recognized me because I caught him staring while I was taking pictures of my brother! Haha, wish I could see him again! Apparently he has a brother same batch of mine. Coolness... Serendipity? Nah, how I wish, hehehe... We ate at California Pizza Kitchen, my favorite! We ordered all my favorite dishes, Barbecue Chicken Salad, Bacon Lettuce Tomato pizza, five-cheese pizza ... and the infamous Jambalaya. Dude, tastes like armpits I tell ya. I still wanted to gobble up Ice Monsters Strawberry Cream, but my stomach had no more room. I had three bars of chocolates today. See... I kept my word, I really pigged out the moment my parents arrived! Haha. I feel so stuffed, in two days I'd definitely gain pounds, I'm just waiting for those calories to turn into body fats. Gheez. Nothing else to share... Business is doing great.

That's all folks! Catch ya later!

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


Korean tourists amaze me, they always have to pose with a huge smile and a peace sign =) Posted by Hello


*tickle tickle tickle* Posted by Hello


Now who's got tooth??? *clap* *clap* *clap* nonono baby...don't grab the camera, this isn't your teether. Posted by Hello


Baby Luis, don't you think we look damn hotter in person??? Haha. It sucks that good looking people aren't really photogenic. LOL kidding :D  Posted by Hello

Monday, March 14, 2005

Meaningless Random Ramblahblahblah

I just finished a ginormous slob of chocolate cake and since I've been munching on it the whole day, my last finger licking chocolate icing is already swiped up. I want more!!!

Times like this I wish I had a boyfriend. Hehehehe...

Moving on, I wasn't able to attend mass today. Ugh, I had this last chance of running for the 8pm mass nearby but summer's making its presence gaddam felt by its scorching heat and it's killing me for days already. Dehydration at its best. I have to amp air-conditioning at its full blast for the whole day especially that now's the time of the month. You know what I mean. Gheez, I was holding on to the pain for hours again before I decided to be prudent enough and stuff the pill down my throat. I don't like chemicals in my body. That's basically the reason why I hardly drink, I never smoke, I don't (and CAN'T as a matter of fact) breathe second hand smoke, I haven't taken any kind of drug and I'm even a struggling vegetarian (if only my Mom would serve the right meals...) But I digress. Going back, since I regretfully gave in to the evil's whisper, I'd have to go to church tomorrow or anytime within the week to pray and make up for the lost sunday worship. For me it isn't exactly an obligation that I feel guilty for having missed. It is sort of a "tribute" to at least pay God his dues... I mean, who likes going to mass? On a lazy Sunday? It's sacrifice I'd want to make, it's the least I can do to show God how thankful I am for the blessings of the previous week. Well, this isn't exactly the first time that I made lame excuses like, "I have dysmenorrhea," or "I'll make up for it sometime this week," or "But it's too damn hot." I hate it when I miss mass, I feel so incomplete.

My parents are coming home this week! Yay! Finally. It's been a month since they left for US and I miss them dearly. I have to savor now the last tasteful days of my being The Boss in this house. Yeah, yeah, surely there will be annoying and repetitive whips on my lazy ass here and there, but well I'll again claim my right to youthful indiscretion. Haha kidding. The first thing I'd ask the moment we pick them up from the airport is a super size me meal from McDonald's. Gawd, I deprived myself from luxurious eating since my parents left us limited money allocation for our food. Hey, it was their first time to hand me down responsibility since my youngest brother and I have always been the babies at home (way back, they couldn't even leave us alone in the house, even with househelps around!). So there, I was too scared of screwing up I had to be extra thrifty to gain my parents' confidence, and just in case they decide to extend their vacation, we wouldn't die of starvation. We had to settle for homecooked meals. Darn. Oh, I miss the grease. We will definitely eat out and I'll order every food that tickles my fancy without looking at the pricelist. My wallet would again be refreshed, ahhh. =) Yayness to parental units. I'll again have good company every morning and my daily dose of newspaper! Oh, I miss the smell of newspaper! My Dad does the buying and when they left, I still had to go out of my way to get and read newspapers.

I feel so enlightened lately, perhaps that's why I didn't want to miss attending mass and gradually lose touch with this great force of spirituality again. I am the type of person who literally clings to God that's why I feel so strong. With little knowledge of what this world is really all about, and the endless stream of mystery, confusion and questions, I can't just depend on myself and/or on others that are as clueless as I am. I know I have to stick to the greater force because he knows what he's doing. And if I want to have more blessings, I'd have to make palakas (kiss ass). =) Sometimes, I tend to get too busy minding my own business and before I know it, I again have already lost touch with God. The same feeling I get when I look at the mirror and see exactly the same medium built everyday even if I go on a binging spree chocolate buffet, and after some hectic schedule, miss meals and sleep, shed a few pounds THEN realize that I gained weight but only got back to normal shape due to the previous merciless schedule. The same feeling when I take for granted a dear friend and only realize his worth when he gets tired of waiting. ...I don't want it to happen to my spiritual life ever again. It's when I lose touch with God that I often screw up.

I feel enlightened because I am in control. I have full control over the steering wheel and with the right determination I know that this is the time when I CAN go wherever I want to go. I know what's exactly happening in my life. I know exactly what to do, shift on to plan B when plan A doesn't take effect and accept the inevitable wholeheartedly because that is how life really works. I am beginning to have confidence with myself as I discover new things I like and I hate about me. I broaden my horizons and explore the world as far as I can reach. I become more proactive, learning and building my own principles, of what is acceptable and not. I no longer look for affirmations from other people because I already love myself the way I am, even though I'll never stop seeking for improvement. Here are the things I'd want to accomplish this year: (considering time and monetary constraints, of course)

1. scuba dive
2. sky dive
3. mountain climbing
4. volunteer for advocacy orgs
5. work for leisure and money
6. study, study, STUDY (100x)
7. manage a legal, interesting, and prosperous self-generating business
8. beach and get a tan
9. weird haircut that will simultaneously annoy and amuse my professors
10. grab a serious boyfriend to sleep on the couch while I study my ass off
11. learn photography, painting, and culinary arts

When I start to list things, I am very good at crossing out every bullet point. =)

I now declare 4 MAJOR goals that I should be able to accomplish in my lifetime:

1. Be a lawyer (Be it a 25 or 67 year-old Atenean, Bedan, heck even Arellano *God forbid* lawyer) Just because. Not necessarily a practicing legal professional, basta abogado.
2. Be rich enough to consider my CHILDREN (having my own family is GIVEN!) "simple" instead of "deprived".
3. Travel and experience different cultures
4. Get published for something NOBLE

That's it for now. Basics. Get these 4 done and I'll have not only myself, but my parents, siblings, and friends fulfilled as well.

Again, I want to make a difference, leave a mark on the world. I will use every inch of my ability to make it happen. At this time, I have to admit that I want to do this for my own self-satisfaction. Desire for self-fulfillment. I hope in due time this desire shall go beyond its selfish measures that I'd do it not for my own reasons but extends for indeed the greater welfare of others.

ANYWAY! I had to deliver orders last Friday so I asked Liz and Louie to tag along. I was craving for any kind of frapuccino but I ended up eating sweet spaghetti, fried chicken, and rice. Yeah, right. But it was funnn! I was having a TERRIBLE PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) and I slaughtered and bad mouthed every stupid driver and idiot that bumped my way. Haha. I was never like that, I surprised myself with how trashy my mouth can be! It just wouldn't stop. It was annoying but it seemed like it had a life of its own. Hehehe... Good thing Louie brought himself a handy dandy camera. Well, we camwhored alright and it made my day great. =) fun fun fun. Back to normal. I can't wait for Louie to send me the pics! I was expecting them today but obviously he hasn't worked on it yet, ass. Haha. I'll post them soon, unadulterated fun! Even the ugly ass shots I'll post. Can't wait.

So, that basically sums up my week. A rough picture of how boring my life is =) Have a great week ahead of you and GOD BLESS! mmmuah!

Monday, March 07, 2005

SKIP

My system is still recovering. I think my heart just overreacted, circulatory system went haywire, blood rushing to and fro. I'm shaking, gademit. My nails are all white again, my hands and feet all cold. 4.20am, I better hit the sacks now... but I should calm my nerves down before I do lest I want to die in my sleep (exag. hehehe).

I was just making some few polishes before I was about to go offline but... *knock knock knock* (toot is now online) WTF???? At this hour? I was invisible and I knew I just had to do something..

me: I'm surprised, why are you still up at this hour? Hello! Been a while, ah =)
toot: Hello! =)
toot: Musta ka na?
me: good good, thanks.
me: ikaw?
me: Do you have a PC in your place na? Or are you still out this late?

(sincerely concerned)
(and effing shaking!)

toot: im ok
toot: borrowed a laptop from my classmate
toot: need it for my report
toot: what's up with you?
me: I probly should go
me: you do good, okay? Lapit na finals.
toot: why? you'll sleep na?
me: take care
me: good night!
me: and SLEEP! gawd, you guys are still sleep-deprived.
toot: okay po
toot: good night
toot: hope to talk to you soon

(pretends to have gone off)
(stared blankly at the screen)
*sigh*

...I missed him. sooo much so he makes me write all this cheesy stuff.

He types things lyk dis and he has one incredibly funny accent. He has a different religion (non-negotiable) and his religion allows polygamy at that (abort deal). He isn't that guapo, far from Caliente. He isn't even the type who'd make me submit (He spoiled me)! He isn't the smartest boy around, nor the nicest. He has the makings of a lawyer, charming and deceitful. Heck, he's not even rich!

All he has is my heart.

(HAHAHA! LOL. kidding!) Well, apparently I'm clueless as to how this kid stole my heart. But hey, he did...

Past is always documented, maybe not always in a journal or in the hearts and minds, but in time itself. Past will always exist no matter how you would want to delete it entirely or even just from your memory.

I don't hate him. But the past certainly has made its mark and it makes the probability of a future even slimmer. This has always been my personal issue, yes I have too many things more important to do than nurse wounds and I don't hold grudges in here, but I am too logical to just disregard the line of events and easily create a totally new pattern, involving the same subject.

Part of me is still pending, to be honest. I still have unfulfilled dreams with me and only then when another presents itself with a fresh, promising pattern would I be able to reconstruct these dreams and build a whole new castle.

But until then, life, as sure as the sun comes out in a few, will go on. After 21 years, I have learned to be strong and swallow ugly things for breakfast. I have learned security in solitude, one complete person who knows well how to watch her back all by herself. I am in control. But you, toot? You? You gaddam make me human.

I can still feel, after all. Good night.